Progression...

So I'm almost half way through my frist semester and so far so good. It's going by soooooo fast too! It's to the point where I can't keep up with the day even more. I've never been so busy in my entire life. And I kind of like it... sometimes.

I'm learning so much and also learning what I don't know.. which is a lot. I've been working mostly with pretty nice and decent patients, but when you get a patient who just thinks you're annoying, is kind of impatient with you, and won't let you help them, then it's discouraging because you're so awkward, shy, and insecure in those situations. You don't know how to handle it and then you think you're going to be the worst nurse in the world! lol. So I have a lot to learn on dealing with that. I have to keep telling myself it can't be learned overnight!

I'm not going to lie, the first 5 weeks were pretty rough for me though. It was mostly due to my lack of motivation. I just couldn't find it... and then just these past few days it's come back full force somehow and I feel that even though I've been a little discouraged today, I really don't want to stop trying. At the end of the day I'm starting to realize that I want to not only help, but to figure out how to help. Understanding how things relates is facsinating, yet overwhelming. Asking questions and trying to find new questions to ask and trying to figure it all out in my brain is a lot more than I thought it was going to be. This whole new world is hard, but it's really.... wow.

I have some things to work on...

So I decided to write a quick, sort of long, update before I hit the books...

I'm really enjoying everything so far in spite of the stress and uncertainity of it all. I finally got my head in the game. I'm loving the new people I'm meeting in the program too.

And I'm also loving what I'm doing so far! But it's so foreign. The basic things like basic hygiene, bed making, and even washing my hands are so complex to me right now. These will be the essentials I build upon for the rest of my life and it's kind of overwhelming. Especially because it's not about me anymore and learning to think about it in that way is a lot harder for me than I thought, especially when trying to make grades comes into mind.

Just comparing it to when I just took my science classes, I can really see a difference. Those classes don't really prepare you for the real stuff at all. All you know is the science stuff, but you don't know anything about actually having to apply it and what it all really means in real life. You were taught just to memorize and spit it out on a multiple choice test. Now you get to build upon everything and you actually have to think about why you're doing what you're doing and actually perform it. It's kind of fun and scary at the same time.

Today I got tested for vital sign competency. I practiced and I practiced and I even dreamed about what I was going to do and say. But of course I get in the room, with a patient (who is just another student nurse) and the teacher and my mind goes all over the place. I'm shaking and wondering what it is I'm forgetting, then I'm wondering if the "patient" is thinking I'm incompetant and then wondering if I am doing it completely wrong or if everyone thinks I'm an idiot. I just let a lot of things factor in that shouldn't have be let in. Luckily, I didn't do anything stupid or out of the ordinary, but it takes time getting used to it. I just need more practice. I'm sure most people learning any type of new job feel this way at some point.

Tomorrow is clinical day which means I get to work with a CNA and help out. Yay! Nothing too dramatic, but I've been told several times that I am lol.