Hello, Hello!

What you've missed...

1. I graduated from college.

2. I took my boards and miraculously passed, which gave me my RN license :D

3. My birthday. Which was utterly awesome because I got to spend it with family I never see, friends that are always there, and the idea that my future is about to unfold.

4. I started another PROJECT. Or should I say, I'm attempting the same project.. again... for the millionth time. No guarantees on this one either... I tend to say that and not follow through so no promises! :P I decided to do it here on blogger to see how I like it since I've seen some friends have it on here as well and found that I do like it. So follow along if you want :) And just to warn you, I'm not great with pictures nor am I good with how to fix up a blog so... yea. It is, what it is.

5. And just went more blonde... literally.. not dumb blonde joke blonde!! :P But it could have affects on my brain so we'll see!

Brick by Brick.

It was really weird today.. I got an email from school stating that I need to come in as soon as possible and start my graduation submission forms. Wow. I can't believe that day is actually coming up. I feel like I just started school here. This road has been hard, but faster than I could have imagined. Kind of scary that I'll get to be a grown up soon with a grown up job and have to do grown up things like pay real bills and live by myself... But I actually get to graduate! I'll be walking in December though since you can't walk in the summer. Which I don't mind as long as I'm still here. Not sure how the job market will be by then. I'd like to stay in Vegas for a bit, but we'll see. I definitely could see myself living near a beach though...

Well, it's been a little rough getting back into the swing of things. But so far it hasn't been like last semester when I've had to study literally to midnight every night just to keep up. I actually should be studying now.... oh well.

This year so far has been great. I feel happy and I feel like I am starting to have some what of a balanced life even though it's a Friday night and I'm currently at home... but I'm playing tomorrow so that counts :)

The end.

Defeat

Things are definitely not working out in my favor so far. This semester is the roughest semester I've ever been through and I don't see myself coming out of it alive. It'll be the first time ever in my life that I'll have to re-take a class and it's really hard to accept it even though I've been praying about it and I feel good about re-taking it. But the adversary definitely has a way of making you think otherwise and that's where the struggle has come in. It just breaks my heart. I'm scared. I feel so inadequate. I don't know how to handle it some days. Other days I feel fine.

I'm not sure why I'm going through this. Is there a purpose that I need to re-take it or am I really that dumb that I can't get this and no amount of divine help will work? Am I not working hard enough? Am I not wanting it bad enough? Why has He brought me this far and letting me fall? Ugh. So many negative thoughts.

But I do feel that re-taking it would help me out in the long run as a nurse. I just really hope it's for some type of purpose, that He's doing it for my own good and not because I just can't do it otherwise I don't feel like I could handle it all. I get discouraged way too easily.

Other than that, life is just lovely! Can you tell?? ha ha

Faith Precedes the Miracle.

That phrase has never made as much sense to me as it does now. After last week's post, I got a HUGE awakening and I needed to do some things and change some things. And as hard as it was, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, especially in such a short amount of time. It was what was necessary to bring me back.

All I know is that I feel peace and comfort during this very stressful, chaotic, scary, and emotional time. Nursing school sure has a way to make you feel smart one day and then the very next minute make you feel very... not so smart! lol.

I just know that if I pass or fail this semester I'll be ok. I've never felt so calm about something so important in my life. And I don't what it means yet or which direction it'll be going, but I'm very grateful for this time in my life.

Thank you for all your prayers, love, and support!

On the next episode of Lost...

Sorry, the last blog was just... well what it was so I'll try and explain more.

If you couldn't tell, I did officially make it into nursing school! Yay!!! And to go along with the last blog, I'm starting to feel more like myself, which feels great! (Thanks Rachael for your words.. you were right!)

The last day or two I've been organizing everything in my room, my mind, and my time. And for the first time ever with school I feel all over the place!!!! It's so insane! I've been looking over all my class schedules and some of them are confusing and some of them seem too much. I really don't know what I'm getting myself into even though I'm staring at it in the face.

Only time will tell I guess. I'm going to have one last fun weekend and I probably won't have very many friends for the next year lol. So be patient with me! And I'll try to post more pictures as time goes on :)

Just another side, random complaint: Who sells my idea of the perfect planner but starts it at the month of July?! Lame.

p.s... sewing patches onto sleeves.. not as much fun as you would like to believe.

Orienation.

Wow. Today was confusing, exciting, and just out there. It's hard to tell what I'm getting into at this point and I feel like my body is there, but my mind and emotional state are not. I kind of got into a phase where I just didn't want to live in reality and now I can't find my way back in or I guess I could say I won't let myself find my way back in. Kind of hard to explain without sounding too crazy. It's something I'm going to have to work on this week or it'll be forced upon me next week! And if it can't be forced upon me then I am officially screwed.

(Why am I doing this to myself now!? That's what bugs me the most about it. I've been working for the last two years to get to this point and now I decide to go into this funk??)