Interview.

Finally had my first nursing interview today.  Couldn't sleep and I was eating anything in sight because I was so stressed about it.  I've been on plenty of interviews before, but this was my first grown-up interview so it's kind of a big deal.

We had two interviews in one day with two different panels.  I felt so average, inadequate and unoriginal, but who doesn't feel that way during an imporant interview when you have no experience?! Moving on...

It's hard to say how they're going to determine who gets in with so many good applicants... so this weekend is going to be pretty nerve racking.  But at least I can say I've been on one nursing interview since graduating (and I secretly hope it will be my last) so whatever happens will be for the best.... right?!

Ok, I'll find out next week if I made the cut and if I did I'll expound more on it.  If not, well... whoever reads this will get to hear me complain some more :D Lucky you! 

Time Flies.

Third semester is over and done with. Things started to smooth out in the end.. especially because I ignored it all and was able to just drift on through without caring lol. Now I'm going to be starting my last and final semester!!! I am in shock. It has projects and clinicals and tests galore. Don't know how I'm going to be able to handle it, but I'm hoping that I can take what I learned from my first 3 semesters and not get myself into any major holes like I always seem to...

I remember my first few days of nursing school and now I'll soon be celebrating my last few days before I can blink an eye. Unreal!

So I have this whole week off and then 15 weeks and counting until graduation!!!

Hope everyone else with normal lives has a good summer! :P

Brick by Brick.

It was really weird today.. I got an email from school stating that I need to come in as soon as possible and start my graduation submission forms. Wow. I can't believe that day is actually coming up. I feel like I just started school here. This road has been hard, but faster than I could have imagined. Kind of scary that I'll get to be a grown up soon with a grown up job and have to do grown up things like pay real bills and live by myself... But I actually get to graduate! I'll be walking in December though since you can't walk in the summer. Which I don't mind as long as I'm still here. Not sure how the job market will be by then. I'd like to stay in Vegas for a bit, but we'll see. I definitely could see myself living near a beach though...

Well, it's been a little rough getting back into the swing of things. But so far it hasn't been like last semester when I've had to study literally to midnight every night just to keep up. I actually should be studying now.... oh well.

This year so far has been great. I feel happy and I feel like I am starting to have some what of a balanced life even though it's a Friday night and I'm currently at home... but I'm playing tomorrow so that counts :)

The end.

Defeat

Things are definitely not working out in my favor so far. This semester is the roughest semester I've ever been through and I don't see myself coming out of it alive. It'll be the first time ever in my life that I'll have to re-take a class and it's really hard to accept it even though I've been praying about it and I feel good about re-taking it. But the adversary definitely has a way of making you think otherwise and that's where the struggle has come in. It just breaks my heart. I'm scared. I feel so inadequate. I don't know how to handle it some days. Other days I feel fine.

I'm not sure why I'm going through this. Is there a purpose that I need to re-take it or am I really that dumb that I can't get this and no amount of divine help will work? Am I not working hard enough? Am I not wanting it bad enough? Why has He brought me this far and letting me fall? Ugh. So many negative thoughts.

But I do feel that re-taking it would help me out in the long run as a nurse. I just really hope it's for some type of purpose, that He's doing it for my own good and not because I just can't do it otherwise I don't feel like I could handle it all. I get discouraged way too easily.

Other than that, life is just lovely! Can you tell?? ha ha

Black.

I'm back in the black!!! I passed that awful test for that awful class that I was struggling with. Phew. Just need to make it through the final and I'll be ok. But if not, I can still look at it in a positive light if I need to retake the stupid class (Ok, not 100% positive ha ha).

In nursing school if you fail a class you can retake it next semester, but it's usually by itself; they don't let you take your next level of classes unless it's a lecture class, it all varies. So if I retake this one, I can possibly take a second level class with it, therefore I'll only have those 2 classes to deal with in the fall. Then, when I head off to second level officially I'll have one less class and a little less stress. That is the positive side of failing! Doesn't really bother me actually. Kind of excited just to be at this point at all!

I'm supposed to be finishing my care plan right now for my last day of clinical which is tomorrow!!! Yay!! Kind of bittersweet. Bye!

Faith Precedes the Miracle.

That phrase has never made as much sense to me as it does now. After last week's post, I got a HUGE awakening and I needed to do some things and change some things. And as hard as it was, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, especially in such a short amount of time. It was what was necessary to bring me back.

All I know is that I feel peace and comfort during this very stressful, chaotic, scary, and emotional time. Nursing school sure has a way to make you feel smart one day and then the very next minute make you feel very... not so smart! lol.

I just know that if I pass or fail this semester I'll be ok. I've never felt so calm about something so important in my life. And I don't what it means yet or which direction it'll be going, but I'm very grateful for this time in my life.

Thank you for all your prayers, love, and support!

It's Going.

Just another blog about school because there's not much else going on these days for me and I needed a study break. But I'm happy to say that I've finally, after only 9 weeks of school, feel like my old study-crazed self again ha ha! I was just struggling with a lot of things and couldn't keep my mind focused. Still have my moments, but I feel like I've finally got it mostly under control. I think I was just overwhelmed and lost. But I feel like I get it now.

Sad to say, I'm failing one of my classes!!! Only by 0.5%, but still. They don't round up at all!! So I've been stressed about that, but I've been studying SO hard for the next test coming up. This class shouldn't be this hard, but we have a new teacher and his questions aren't fun. Oh well, can't do anything about it except memorize my whole book. I'm just going to have to hope and pray my brain can remember everything. Even if I get a 77 on my next test, that'll bring my average about 75 and that's all you need to pass.

Oh!! So, I gave my first shot yesterday. Pretty cool. And I've given other types of medications too. I'm starting to feel like a real nurse. So that was the highlight of my week.

Wow, finals are almost here! This semester has flown by so fast for me.

Ok, back to the books.

Progression...

So I'm almost half way through my frist semester and so far so good. It's going by soooooo fast too! It's to the point where I can't keep up with the day even more. I've never been so busy in my entire life. And I kind of like it... sometimes.

I'm learning so much and also learning what I don't know.. which is a lot. I've been working mostly with pretty nice and decent patients, but when you get a patient who just thinks you're annoying, is kind of impatient with you, and won't let you help them, then it's discouraging because you're so awkward, shy, and insecure in those situations. You don't know how to handle it and then you think you're going to be the worst nurse in the world! lol. So I have a lot to learn on dealing with that. I have to keep telling myself it can't be learned overnight!

I'm not going to lie, the first 5 weeks were pretty rough for me though. It was mostly due to my lack of motivation. I just couldn't find it... and then just these past few days it's come back full force somehow and I feel that even though I've been a little discouraged today, I really don't want to stop trying. At the end of the day I'm starting to realize that I want to not only help, but to figure out how to help. Understanding how things relates is facsinating, yet overwhelming. Asking questions and trying to find new questions to ask and trying to figure it all out in my brain is a lot more than I thought it was going to be. This whole new world is hard, but it's really.... wow.

I have some things to work on...

So I decided to write a quick, sort of long, update before I hit the books...

I'm really enjoying everything so far in spite of the stress and uncertainity of it all. I finally got my head in the game. I'm loving the new people I'm meeting in the program too.

And I'm also loving what I'm doing so far! But it's so foreign. The basic things like basic hygiene, bed making, and even washing my hands are so complex to me right now. These will be the essentials I build upon for the rest of my life and it's kind of overwhelming. Especially because it's not about me anymore and learning to think about it in that way is a lot harder for me than I thought, especially when trying to make grades comes into mind.

Just comparing it to when I just took my science classes, I can really see a difference. Those classes don't really prepare you for the real stuff at all. All you know is the science stuff, but you don't know anything about actually having to apply it and what it all really means in real life. You were taught just to memorize and spit it out on a multiple choice test. Now you get to build upon everything and you actually have to think about why you're doing what you're doing and actually perform it. It's kind of fun and scary at the same time.

Today I got tested for vital sign competency. I practiced and I practiced and I even dreamed about what I was going to do and say. But of course I get in the room, with a patient (who is just another student nurse) and the teacher and my mind goes all over the place. I'm shaking and wondering what it is I'm forgetting, then I'm wondering if the "patient" is thinking I'm incompetant and then wondering if I am doing it completely wrong or if everyone thinks I'm an idiot. I just let a lot of things factor in that shouldn't have be let in. Luckily, I didn't do anything stupid or out of the ordinary, but it takes time getting used to it. I just need more practice. I'm sure most people learning any type of new job feel this way at some point.

Tomorrow is clinical day which means I get to work with a CNA and help out. Yay! Nothing too dramatic, but I've been told several times that I am lol.

First Day.

It was simple, fun, and easy. We learned how to raise and lower the beds, put on gowns correctly, and that's pretty much it. I'm pretty sure that'll be the last time I ever call something in nursing school easy though.

I've been reading all day and it's scary because I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be focusing on yet and what is expected of me. So I feel unproductive, unorganized even though I am, and lost. Hopefully I can just remember everything and stop feeling anxious at one point.

But here's a picture of me in my uniform! lol. Ignore how grubby I look and just admire the fact that I'm trying here!

On the next episode of Lost...

Sorry, the last blog was just... well what it was so I'll try and explain more.

If you couldn't tell, I did officially make it into nursing school! Yay!!! And to go along with the last blog, I'm starting to feel more like myself, which feels great! (Thanks Rachael for your words.. you were right!)

The last day or two I've been organizing everything in my room, my mind, and my time. And for the first time ever with school I feel all over the place!!!! It's so insane! I've been looking over all my class schedules and some of them are confusing and some of them seem too much. I really don't know what I'm getting myself into even though I'm staring at it in the face.

Only time will tell I guess. I'm going to have one last fun weekend and I probably won't have very many friends for the next year lol. So be patient with me! And I'll try to post more pictures as time goes on :)

Just another side, random complaint: Who sells my idea of the perfect planner but starts it at the month of July?! Lame.

p.s... sewing patches onto sleeves.. not as much fun as you would like to believe.

Orienation.

Wow. Today was confusing, exciting, and just out there. It's hard to tell what I'm getting into at this point and I feel like my body is there, but my mind and emotional state are not. I kind of got into a phase where I just didn't want to live in reality and now I can't find my way back in or I guess I could say I won't let myself find my way back in. Kind of hard to explain without sounding too crazy. It's something I'm going to have to work on this week or it'll be forced upon me next week! And if it can't be forced upon me then I am officially screwed.

(Why am I doing this to myself now!? That's what bugs me the most about it. I've been working for the last two years to get to this point and now I decide to go into this funk??)

At Least Read the Bold

So yea, today wasn't that great. I studied my butt off for my micro test and I felt like I knew it like the back of my hand or maybe that was the problem... long story short, it feels like my teacher doesn't like to really test my knowledge, but rather he likes to test my patience.

For all I know, it didn't turn out as bad as I'm imagining it and I somehow did get through the test better than I thought. So I still have to prepare like I'm going into school this summer even if there's a small chance it may be pushed back. I will learn to accept whatever path is being laid out before me even if one of them ends up in tears. I know it'll be for the best.

I need to get a PDA/smartphone/blackberry device of somesort and it needs to have the web/wifi. This is for school because I have to get a nursing program for it (if you're really curious what it is, you can find it on unboundmedicine.com; I'm not sure of the exact program yet). I have T-mobile now.. they're ok. I don't always get reception in certain parts of school. I'm a little worried. Do you need good reception for the web too? Or are these separate things? I'm lost.

Anyone have any good suggestions for devices and/or carriers??

No worries about the prices. I'll figure that out later. I plan on being pretty poor the next year anyways lol.

Thank you! :)

Totally Unexpected.

Dear Meghan

I am please to inform you that you have been conditionally accepted into the Summer 2009 BSN nursing program at UNLV pending successful completion of your prerequisites. You must successfully complete all requirements prior to starting the nursing program.

AAHHHH!!!! I can't believe it. I was NOT expecting to see those words on the page when I opened the letter.

Don't get too excited just yet. It means I still need to pass my microbiology course. I will work my hardest and definitely talk to my teacher about this. Hopefully he'll be kind to me and help me out lol. Nursing school this summer is not definite yet. But I can't help but to be excited anyways!

So much to panick over now. So much to do. So much to worry about. Everything I've been dreaming and talking about nonstop is starting to become realistic and now I'm wondering why I haven't prepared for this moment better!! lol.

If all goes according to plan, I will be an RN by next summer 2010!!! Wow. Kind of scary for all you future patients out there isn't it?? lol.

I'm going to go for a walk now.

Bad Omen Perhaps??

Today I officially signed my life away.. yup, I signed the contract.

This could be my new home...

For the next 16 months.

I'm very nervous.

Never thought this day would actually come.

Only time will tell.

I will know about a week after March 1.

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming...

I should totally be studying right now and I was going to wait til Friday to write about this, but I'm too excited! On Friday the 13th (ha ha) I will get to FINALLY apply for the nursing program!!! Yay!!

I have been waiting about two years for this day to come! Now it's here. I will be applying for the summer 2009 semester. It doesn't seem real yet. But there are no guarantees for anything so I'm not jumping for joy quite yet; I'm just excited I'm finally reaching this road.

1. First off, it depends on how many people apply and the competition. My grades aren't as good as others (especially my NET score) so I may not get in right away. And I'm perfectly fine with that. I expect this actually.


2. But if I were to be accepted right away I still have to pass my classes this semester. I don't want to get too ahead of myself. My microbiology teacher isn't giving me a sense of hope right now because, well.. he's just not a good teacher; but we'll see how his tests are which happens to be coming up in a couple weeks. So if for some reason I don't pass I have to reapply again for fall. I'm actually fine with that. I would also kind of like the summer off so I could work and save some money.

But either way I'm extremely happy! And if I'm meant to get in sooner rather than later I'll get in. If I have to wait, I will. I just know that I could not have done any of this without the support of friends and family and my Heavenly Father. There have been so many, many things He's done for me and given me in helping me come this far.

Thank you!