Yikes!

I'm so nervous and I haven't even started yet.  Plus, I'm worried about a few things not working out so my dream job feels like it could be taken away at any moment.  PLUS, with all the talk about the program and expectations I keep feeling even more inadequate so I keep worrying that it will be taken away.  Are they sure my name was the one they picked??

I haven't even started yet and I'm already feeling this way.  Can't imagine what I'll feel like if they let me on the floor!  

Imbalanced

I'm finally on spring break and the semester will be over in about a month. I feel like I'm in another funk!! I hate these. Usually something horrible will have to happen to snap me back out of it and that's not a good way to have to figure it out.

I just want to be done already! I'm passing all my classes fine, but I'm having trouble in clinical to the point that it's stressing me out and I want to quit. There always has to be that "something" each semester I have to deal with and "overcome." I'm sick of overcoming. I just want one peaceful semester before the next chapter.

I guess on a good note, I have been more social... but I'd rather be doing that than studying so I'm getting thrown off there too.

Now I feel like I'm just being random. Ok, good night.

Nothing's really new that I can think of...

Got my graduation application back, which is weird because I feel like I'm strugging AGAIN with another stupid class and it's frustrating so that packet doesn't seem real yet. Why can't being smart just come naturally to me??

But this semester has been pretty laid back compared to last semester so I've been able to see my friends a little bit more and I don't feel as stressed in spite of the annoying struggles.

Decided to work on my fitness and have been taking a spinning class at school.. and WOW. Definitely a work out. Hoping to fit in my jeans again by summer.

Heard about how you can travel anywhere in the world as a nurse, work there for a bit and still have a job when you come back home.. and they pay for your expenses!! I'll have to look more into that when I start working. Very excited about that one depending on how true it is.

And my car is still working! I'm just grateful and happy about that one. :)

Hope you're all doing well!

Orienation.

Wow. Today was confusing, exciting, and just out there. It's hard to tell what I'm getting into at this point and I feel like my body is there, but my mind and emotional state are not. I kind of got into a phase where I just didn't want to live in reality and now I can't find my way back in or I guess I could say I won't let myself find my way back in. Kind of hard to explain without sounding too crazy. It's something I'm going to have to work on this week or it'll be forced upon me next week! And if it can't be forced upon me then I am officially screwed.

(Why am I doing this to myself now!? That's what bugs me the most about it. I've been working for the last two years to get to this point and now I decide to go into this funk??)

Blessings.

Well, somehow I passed microbiology. I even got an A! And it was mostly because he gave extra points. And most likely because he knows his tests are ridiculous. But it's over and it feels sooooo Good! I actually got to take a nap today.

All I have left to do is just finish up a paper and beg my stats teacher to make sure I get a C. I'd hate to think a stupid, meaningless class would get in my way now.

But I've been having a really hard time focusing. I haven't been me for the last couple of weeks and it's driving me nuts. I can't let go of certain things and a part of me is letting that happen; it's my fault and it's been a struggle. I'm just going to have to work really hard to get out of this slump. Especially if I want to do well this summer.

Thank you all for your prayers, love, and support!

Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron

Artie: If there's something you want to do, or someone you really want to be, then the only one standing in your way...

is you.

Rumplestilskin: Me?

Guards: Get him, lads!

Ha ha, it's true. Here's how my day went:

Took the NET today.

That sucked.

My difficulty...

The Reading section: 33 questions, in 30 minutes, and having to read 3 or 4 paragraphs at a time to answer the dumb questions.

My mind doesn't work that way or that quickly apparently.

Ended up guessing... a lot. Ugh.

Oh well.

It's over and I'm surprising happy about it. I will not stand in my own way :)

Don't mind me

I have my first Micro lab quiz tomorrow and I'm not feeling it.

I'm feeling down and it's hard to get up for some reason.

I'm not used to that; it's annoying.

Things are changing in a good way, but for some reason I'm responding in the opposite way.

Keeping busy helps.

I think it's the rain clouds we've been having lately.. so pretty, but yet so... depressing.