Black.

I'm back in the black!!! I passed that awful test for that awful class that I was struggling with. Phew. Just need to make it through the final and I'll be ok. But if not, I can still look at it in a positive light if I need to retake the stupid class (Ok, not 100% positive ha ha).

In nursing school if you fail a class you can retake it next semester, but it's usually by itself; they don't let you take your next level of classes unless it's a lecture class, it all varies. So if I retake this one, I can possibly take a second level class with it, therefore I'll only have those 2 classes to deal with in the fall. Then, when I head off to second level officially I'll have one less class and a little less stress. That is the positive side of failing! Doesn't really bother me actually. Kind of excited just to be at this point at all!

I'm supposed to be finishing my care plan right now for my last day of clinical which is tomorrow!!! Yay!! Kind of bittersweet. Bye!

Spluuuuurrggeeee!!!

He he. I had saved some extra money and was planning on doing some type of shopping spree with it next weekend, but I decided to start early and get me an I-touch. I ordered it last night. I'll give it a test run and see how I like it. I plan to put some nursing applications on it so I thought it would be useful and practical in the long run and that it would make me feel less guilty about splurging lol.

I also plan to get my hair finally done next weekend! Much needed.

So the splurge continutes :)

Faith Precedes the Miracle.

That phrase has never made as much sense to me as it does now. After last week's post, I got a HUGE awakening and I needed to do some things and change some things. And as hard as it was, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, especially in such a short amount of time. It was what was necessary to bring me back.

All I know is that I feel peace and comfort during this very stressful, chaotic, scary, and emotional time. Nursing school sure has a way to make you feel smart one day and then the very next minute make you feel very... not so smart! lol.

I just know that if I pass or fail this semester I'll be ok. I've never felt so calm about something so important in my life. And I don't what it means yet or which direction it'll be going, but I'm very grateful for this time in my life.

Thank you for all your prayers, love, and support!

Deep Breath...

New situation in life has begun... Don't know how to handle it. Just hoping I didn't mess things up. Hoping I can get back up. Hoping that I'm not being punished. Waiting to see what happens is really hard.

But what is life without a little set back...

It's Going.

Just another blog about school because there's not much else going on these days for me and I needed a study break. But I'm happy to say that I've finally, after only 9 weeks of school, feel like my old study-crazed self again ha ha! I was just struggling with a lot of things and couldn't keep my mind focused. Still have my moments, but I feel like I've finally got it mostly under control. I think I was just overwhelmed and lost. But I feel like I get it now.

Sad to say, I'm failing one of my classes!!! Only by 0.5%, but still. They don't round up at all!! So I've been stressed about that, but I've been studying SO hard for the next test coming up. This class shouldn't be this hard, but we have a new teacher and his questions aren't fun. Oh well, can't do anything about it except memorize my whole book. I'm just going to have to hope and pray my brain can remember everything. Even if I get a 77 on my next test, that'll bring my average about 75 and that's all you need to pass.

Oh!! So, I gave my first shot yesterday. Pretty cool. And I've given other types of medications too. I'm starting to feel like a real nurse. So that was the highlight of my week.

Wow, finals are almost here! This semester has flown by so fast for me.

Ok, back to the books.

Progression...

So I'm almost half way through my frist semester and so far so good. It's going by soooooo fast too! It's to the point where I can't keep up with the day even more. I've never been so busy in my entire life. And I kind of like it... sometimes.

I'm learning so much and also learning what I don't know.. which is a lot. I've been working mostly with pretty nice and decent patients, but when you get a patient who just thinks you're annoying, is kind of impatient with you, and won't let you help them, then it's discouraging because you're so awkward, shy, and insecure in those situations. You don't know how to handle it and then you think you're going to be the worst nurse in the world! lol. So I have a lot to learn on dealing with that. I have to keep telling myself it can't be learned overnight!

I'm not going to lie, the first 5 weeks were pretty rough for me though. It was mostly due to my lack of motivation. I just couldn't find it... and then just these past few days it's come back full force somehow and I feel that even though I've been a little discouraged today, I really don't want to stop trying. At the end of the day I'm starting to realize that I want to not only help, but to figure out how to help. Understanding how things relates is facsinating, yet overwhelming. Asking questions and trying to find new questions to ask and trying to figure it all out in my brain is a lot more than I thought it was going to be. This whole new world is hard, but it's really.... wow.

I have some things to work on...

So I decided to write a quick, sort of long, update before I hit the books...

I'm really enjoying everything so far in spite of the stress and uncertainity of it all. I finally got my head in the game. I'm loving the new people I'm meeting in the program too.

And I'm also loving what I'm doing so far! But it's so foreign. The basic things like basic hygiene, bed making, and even washing my hands are so complex to me right now. These will be the essentials I build upon for the rest of my life and it's kind of overwhelming. Especially because it's not about me anymore and learning to think about it in that way is a lot harder for me than I thought, especially when trying to make grades comes into mind.

Just comparing it to when I just took my science classes, I can really see a difference. Those classes don't really prepare you for the real stuff at all. All you know is the science stuff, but you don't know anything about actually having to apply it and what it all really means in real life. You were taught just to memorize and spit it out on a multiple choice test. Now you get to build upon everything and you actually have to think about why you're doing what you're doing and actually perform it. It's kind of fun and scary at the same time.

Today I got tested for vital sign competency. I practiced and I practiced and I even dreamed about what I was going to do and say. But of course I get in the room, with a patient (who is just another student nurse) and the teacher and my mind goes all over the place. I'm shaking and wondering what it is I'm forgetting, then I'm wondering if the "patient" is thinking I'm incompetant and then wondering if I am doing it completely wrong or if everyone thinks I'm an idiot. I just let a lot of things factor in that shouldn't have be let in. Luckily, I didn't do anything stupid or out of the ordinary, but it takes time getting used to it. I just need more practice. I'm sure most people learning any type of new job feel this way at some point.

Tomorrow is clinical day which means I get to work with a CNA and help out. Yay! Nothing too dramatic, but I've been told several times that I am lol.